Funny after the fact

Now, I knew Cosmo’s sex tips were not the best, shall we say, but I never knew just how bad they were until I read this.

A couple of years ago, there was this great show called Futurama. It was and is the most awesome thing ever and I loved it so. There was this one episode where the gang crash landed on the planet of the giant Amazonian women, called (of course) Amazonia, where there were no men. Much of it was making jokes about male and female stereotypes, and boy, they could have gotten that really wrong. But it was funny and light-hearted, and played on a lot of the old Star Trek tropes about meeting alien women and sleeping with them, and it was great.

Anyway, this episode has a fantastic line in it from the leader of the Amazonians, when she’s asked what they know about sex: “All we have go on are ancient manuscripts and subscription to Cosmo.” (Yeah, the Amazonians talk like cavemen but they’re obviously smart, it’s hilarious.) At the time, I laughed at this. Having read most of the blog posts at the link above, it is now the funniest damn thing I’ve ever witnessed on TV.

They call sex ‘snoo-snoo’ on Amazonia. Their method of execution is death by snoo-snoo, and now it makes perfect sense, you guys!

I mentally substitute ‘snoo-snoo’ now every time I see the word ‘sex’ written on or in Cosmo. ’52 Snoo-snoo Tips To Make Your Man Hot’. ‘When Your Vagina Acts Weird After Snoo-snoo’ – actual text on the cover of Cosmo, I kid you not.

Snoo-snoo. Heh.

Anyway, Amazon updated the price and Dominion is free! Fly, fly my pretties! AAALLLL the free porn for you!


Erotica writer problems

Normally writers have to replay scenes in their head several times, from various angles, to work out which is the best to actually write. If you’re writing porn, this kinda turns into a series of tableaux (that’s French for tables) with two characters in various sex positions.

I am totally okay with this as long as the story calls for sex on tables, but I haven’t figured out a viable alternative if the story calls for sex on chairs, for example.

It is a conundrum.

My first story involves heavy metal. This is also a conundrum. I may have to think of a title that sounds like the name of a band – or, alternatively, one that references the color black or snakes.

Suggestions welcome…