And then we come to the cover…

Seriously, how does one go about making an erotica cover that doesn’t look silly? I mean, you could go for the whole ‘headless man and woman’ schtick a la Harlequin, but surely that gets old?

Bah. This is another thing that annoys me. You have to somehow convey all the sex without being too obvious about it, because Amazon frowns on covers that show two or more people in the sweet agony of coitus with visible genitals hanging out.

(‘Coitus’ is my word of the day. I can’t help but think of some kind of exotic reptile when I hear it.)

A title is my other problem. I just… can’t get the usual erotica fare. It’s far too heavy for me, too serious. I keep wanting to say c’mon, let’s get real here – why all the downers in our porn, guys? Can we just have some people screwing without all the damn hangups for once?

Full disclosure: this… whatever… I’m publishing to start with is about a woman who catches her boyfriend cheating on her. It is not an angst story. It’s just about what happens when she kicks him out and later acquires a friend-with-benefits, who does a stellar job of cheering her up. Yeah, there’s some sadness, but the sex sure as hell doesn’t revolve around it because I want it to be fun. Remember that? Fun? Like it is in real life, provided you’re not doing it wrong?

I guess the bottom line here is that angsty sex stories just irritate me. And of course the market is all about the angsty sex stories, if Fifty Shades is anything to go by.

If I make no money from this, I think we’ll all know why. Just promise you’ll console me later when I’m crying softly into my beer.


Erotica writer problems

Normally writers have to replay scenes in their head several times, from various angles, to work out which is the best to actually write. If you’re writing porn, this kinda turns into a series of¬†tableaux¬†(that’s French for tables) with two characters in various sex positions.

I am totally okay with this as long as the story calls for sex on tables, but I haven’t figured out a viable alternative if the story calls for sex on chairs, for example.

It is a conundrum.

My first story involves heavy metal. This is also a conundrum. I may have to think of a title that sounds like the name of a band – or, alternatively, one that references the color black or snakes.

Suggestions welcome…