When you have something to hide

…like I do, then the prospect of anyone getting access to my computer is pretty horrifying. I hope the NSA likes porn at least.

So I heard the story this morning of a woman in Long Island who had her house raided by a goddamn SWAT team because she searched for ‘pressure cooker’ while her husband was also searching for backpacks. Sound familiar? Well how the sweet fucking hell did the cops know her search history?! Does anyone else find that creepy as shit?

What the hell, America.

Give us your poor, your tired, your huddled masses? Not any more, we hate immigrants, even though we’re all descended from them.

The land of the free? No. We throw more people in jail than any other country except maybe the worst dictatorships. We have no free speech that isn’t censored by a spineless, sycophantic mass media, or litigated into the ground by trigger happy copyright lawyers.

The home of the brave? Holy fuck, no. As soon as someone whispers the word ‘terrorist’, we damn near wet our collective pants in fear and break out the guns. There are some truly brave people around, but let’s be honest – they are in the fucking minority.

I can’t believe this place, really I can’t. Lots of countries deal with terrorism without losing their mind, and the best we can do is sink the entire fucking economy, screw over our own people, and kill thousands of foreigners, all in the name of fighting an enemy that can’t be fought.

The relatives of those foreigners, by the way, now largely have nothing to live for other than hating America. Because American troops just bombed the shit out of their homes and cities. I can’t believe anyone is surprised that they want to blow us up in turn.

Anyone who says shit about America being the best place in the whole world is either deluded, ignorant, or wilfully blind. And I’m pretty sure that every other first world nation is watching all the shit we do and wondering if America is the same.

Ask a European what they think. The polite ones will sidestep the question. The honest ones will say what they’re all thinking, which is this: are Americans totally fucking insane, or are they just very, very dangerously dumb?

Don’t tell me we haven’t earned that reputation.


Maybe I should

…write a blog post every day for NaNoWriMo, if I can’t write as much as I want.

No one’s expecting much from a blog post. The mental transaction involved is pretty minimal. I don’t need to produce the next great American novel, though how awesome would that be?

You know how I never talk about publishing stuff? I just assume that you, esteemed friends, have an idea of fun similar to normal people in that you don’t find industry news interesting. Kind of how you might enjoy sausages, but you don’t want to know the average profit and loss of the pork industry.

Anyway, publishing. Apparently Random House and Penguin are planning to merge. If you don’t know these guys, they’re huuuuge publishers, and their combined forces equals about 20% of the entire English market for books.

I’m a self-publisher all the way, of course, so I have no skin in the game really, but this… if I ever had a reason to not want to sell a book to either of these companies, it’s twice as big now. How does a large megacorporation have my best interests, as an author, at heart? What can they do for me, other than control me?

Not for me. And now I’m scared for other authors too. So here’s a word to the wise, my dear friends – sell to Random Penguin by all means, but if you want a career that’s yours, it’s time to go indie.


Weird observation time

Okay, so I’m pretty indifferent about porn in general because most of the readily available stuff is just way too vanilla for my taste. I also don’t have the energy to go looking for kinky things.

Whoah, my ears just popped. …Sorry, just wanna share.

Anyway – I’ve been wandering around my favorite tumblrs lately on a search for good guy porn , and I keep coming back with a resounding ‘MEH’. It’s just so, so, SO same-y. It looks more like an Olympic sport than actual sexytimes, like I should hold up a score board when the dudes involved climax. None of it looks comfortable and no one looks like they’re having any fun.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, hence my disdain for most porn.

While I’m on the subject – what the hell is with all the damn tattoos?! Is there a rule somewhere that gay porn stars need to have some ink? And why do they all put one hand on their hip when they’re jerking off, instead of, say, on an actual erogenous zone? Why are there so many weird camera angles?

They’re all shaved, ripped and sans foreskins, and I am so utterly bored by them and their stupid painful porn-faces.


I’m sure these guys like what they do, but dammit, they need better writers and directors.

In other news – new story on Friday, hopefully.


I should have thought about this more

I forgot about the Amazon processing time. How, I have no idea. You’d think I would remember this stuff by now.

Still, it’s done. Uploaded. Do not care any more. I hit my launch deadline and I regret nothing, except maybe not putting in as much editing as I should have. It’s an 11,000 word story that I knocked out in about a week, mostly to amuse myself, and I have other things to write that need actual love and attention.

I’ve been asking myself why I’m doing this, apart from the obvious ‘jumping on the sexy bandwagon’ reason. Sometimes I wonder if it’s out of spite, because I honestly and truly hate the fact that Twilight and Fifty Shades are bestsellers while still being awful. (On that note, by the way, I stopped halfway through Stephanie Meyer’s magnum opus. I just can’t deal with that whiny crap any more. It’s great that she’s raking in the cash, but she does not know the first goddamn thing about telling a story that makes sense.)

So yeah, why is that? Why, in the name of Asimov, is Fifty Shades of Grey selling well when you can read better and kinkier fap material on Fanfiction.net for free?

True story – I read a bit of one of the sex scenes from Fifty Shades, and threw the book across the room shouting BIOLOGY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! Because it doesn’t. Seriously. And actual human beings, with brains and functional organs and everything, don’t act that way unless they’ve taken a two by four to the head.

Gah, rant. I’m sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. Let’s just forget I said it and let bygones be bygones, okay? Okay.

I’m just going to stare at the KDP dashboard until the damn listing is approved.