Funny after the fact

Now, I knew Cosmo’s sex tips were not the best, shall we say, but I never knew just how bad they were until I read this.

A couple of years ago, there was this great show called Futurama. It was and is the most awesome thing ever and I loved it so. There was this one episode where the gang crash landed on the planet of the giant Amazonian women, called (of course) Amazonia, where there were no men. Much of it was making jokes about male and female stereotypes, and boy, they could have gotten that really wrong. But it was funny and light-hearted, and played on a lot of the old Star Trek tropes about meeting alien women and sleeping with them, and it was great.

Anyway, this episode has a fantastic line in it from the leader of the Amazonians, when she’s asked what they know about sex: “All we have go on are ancient manuscripts and subscription to Cosmo.” (Yeah, the Amazonians talk like cavemen but they’re obviously smart, it’s hilarious.) At the time, I laughed at this. Having read most of the blog posts at the link above, it is now the funniest damn thing I’ve ever witnessed on TV.

They call sex ‘snoo-snoo’ on Amazonia. Their method of execution is death by snoo-snoo, and now it makes perfect sense, you guys!

I mentally substitute ‘snoo-snoo’ now every time I see the word ‘sex’ written on or in Cosmo. ’52 Snoo-snoo Tips To Make Your Man Hot’. ‘When Your Vagina Acts Weird After Snoo-snoo’ – actual text on the cover of Cosmo, I kid you not.

Snoo-snoo. Heh.

Anyway, Amazon updated the price and Dominion is free! Fly, fly my pretties! AAALLLL the free porn for you!


Dominion is published

About time! It’s up and live, and I’ve set it to be free. If I’ve figured the promotion thing right, it’ll be free in a couple of hours. The price hasn’t updated yet, unfortunately. So wait! Don’t buy it yet! I promise it’ll be free soon! It’s free for five days, and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Okay, I take it back about Amazon. They don’t really hate me. I am not so good with their system, even though they have all the nice instructions and hand-holding and whatnot. Still, that’s another story done, and it feels good. When I get to ten, I’ll package them up and sell them for five bucks.

And now I’m going back to laughing at the sex tips in Cosmo and writing more of that vampire thing.


So I have numbers…

I love numbers. Numbers tell me things.

In this case, they tell me that eighty-two people have downloaded a copy of Kathy’s World. This is somewhat confusing, because I’m pretty sure that not even eighty people have ever seen this blog, and it’s not like I’m talking about it elsewhere. So I remain baffled. I expected a couple of downloads – ten or twenty at the most, based on the stats I get from WordPress.

On one hand, I’m pretty pleased that eighty-two people thought enough of the cover, the blurb, or my inane rambling to go grab a copy. This means that there are eighty-two copies of Kathy’s World out there on various Kindles, hopefully amusing people or giving them some sexytimes boosting fun. I like this idea, I really do.

On the other hand, part of my neurotic writer persona is screaming WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?! and twitching in the corner, whimpering under the weight of attention. It’s frightening, you see, even though the more sensible part of me keeps pointing at the aforementioned happy feeling, patting the writer persona soothingly on the shoulder and saying ‘there, there, it’s alright.’

Yes, the different aspects of my personality talk to each other. That’s not important right now.

See, I think writers can have – nay, must have – this weird split in their minds between the introvert and the extrovert. We have to have some kind of confidence in our work, while simultaneously believing that it’s utter garbage and in dire need of improvement. The extrovert forces us to publish. The introvert forces us to write better.

In my case, I think the extrovert is the one who pushed me into writing about sex in the first place, and the introvert is the one who keeps sending me to Google looking for information such as “best places to have sex on campus”. (My search history is HILARIOUS.)

Now, excuse me while I go sacrifice a small furry animal to the gods of Amazon in the hope that I’ll get some reviews out of this.


Free free free…

Whee! Kathy’s World is free. Lovely, lovely free erotica for all! Fly, fly, my pretties! Go download it! And *ahem* enjoy yourselves while you read it!

Warning: I do not recommend that you read Kathy’s World while having sex. Although erotica is a great way to get in the mood, it’s a bit awkward to have to mess about with a Kindle while you and your partner(s) are doing the nasty. I’m talking about the enjoyment that you can partake of alone.

Devil Masque has been published too, finally. Amazon took their sweet damn time about it again. I’ll have to factor in a day or two of processing just to get these up online, so the timer has some extra time added.

I have multiple things published. MULTIPLE. I can do this, whatever the hell it is. I can write and publish a short sexy story a week.

Today I shall bask in the warm glow of publishing victory, drinking Chianti out by the pool and whispering ‘Multiple’ to myself.