Sex Toys

They are the most fun things ever. Ever! And the nice thing is, you don’t even have to buy them from a store with suspiciously blacked out windows! You can make your own!

The resistance to sex toys has always amused and baffled me in equal measure. Surely, I said to my esteemed friend, we can consider anything used in the pursuit of naked sexy times to be a sex toy – meaning that technically your bed is one, for example. So why the instant scrunched up nose at the suggestion of, for example, a vibrator with settings and attachments?

Ah, said she, clearly it’s a combination of two things: our Puritan hangover, and the different comfort levels of the individuals involved. I had to agree with her. Damn that Puritan hangover, and all its insidious, creeping tentacles that have infiltrated our very hearts and minds.

All I know is I don’t have enough of them. I have a particular love of penis-shaped ones, but there is more than enough room in my bedside locker for all the oddly shaped body-safe materials in the world.

A strange thought – if you masturbate into a sock? That sock is now a sex toy.

I think everyone should have at least one on hand. Like, we all have star signs, and favorite colors, and other signature things that identify us to the outside world and to our partners. Why not have a preferred sex toy? It would say so much about us to prospective sharers of sexy times.

In my case, it would be a giant vibrating dong, maybe with a riding crop attached somewhere.

// shay

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