One thing no one really talks about is that being sick tends to completely rob you of your libido.
And I’ve been sick. Not mentally ill, though I’m still working on that – actually sick, and apparently most of it was induced by stress. I don’t know how to describe that kind of fatigue, and pain, and just plain not being able to eat or sleep properly. But it also robbed me of any kind of sexual feeling. And when your libido is intricately tied to narrative, writing is impossible.
But it’s going away.
Today my mind is filled with sex scenes and plots and all kinds of good things, to the point where I can’t concentrate. I want to laugh, or cry, with joy that I feel this way again. I’m recovering.
I am so bad at taking care of myself. That’s why I got sick. I have the luxury of being able to pay for care, and that’s what I’m doing now. Small price to pay for becoming human again.
I’ve missed being me, dear friends. I’ve missed you too. Time for a change.