What would you recommend

I need help. I’m getting exceptionally annoyed lately with the porn I’m watching. I need recommendations.

See, I enjoy most kinds of porn outside of the really bizarre fetish stuff. The problem is that most porn (that I can access, anyway) is so goddamn boring that it’s actually making my brain hurt. There is only so many times I can watch variations on the theme of a woman with giant fake tits getting railed by a mostly off-camera guy, neither of which look like they’re actually having any kind of fun, before my libido nods off and starts to snore. And the directing is invariably terrible.

It’s all so mechanical. I don’t want to watch robots getting it on, but that’s pretty much it as far as the mainstream stuff goes. And the whole thing with the guy mostly not being in the picture drives me nuts. Being pansexual = I want to see everybody, dammit, and I want variety, meaning I am sick to the back teeth of everyone having hairless, perfect bodies. (I like big fat guys. Major bonus points if they’re hairy or have beards. And women with big hips and no makeup. The lack of both in porn makes me sad.)

I have to watch gay porn to get my fill of the men, and, to be honest, it’s not much better. They still don’t seem like they’re having any kind of fun, all the bottoms look like they’re in pain, and most of them seem to be treating it as an Olympic sport where you get medals for how hard or fast you do it. And they all have the most ridiculous tattoos…

I want to see the gag reels from porn movies. Somehow I think I’d enjoy them far more than the actual porn.


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