Purple Trouser Snake

Okay, I’m shameless. I know all the words to that Monty Python song about dicks.

The problem with writing porn is that you can’t just say something like ‘penis goes in vagina and happy fun times ensue.’ (Or any other sex act, I’m open-minded.) You actually need all those synonyms and metaphors for body parts, because otherwise it reads a bit more like a biology lesson.

My problem right now is trying to think up words for ‘vagina’ that don’t sound completely stupid. I’m doing better with the penis references, but I caught myself using the word ‘member’ today and got very annoyed. Get too obtuse and your purple trouser snake turns into purple prose.

I ain’t going there. I write porn, or erotica, or whatever politically correct term you prefer for stories with explicit sex in them. Harlequin romance it is certainly not. So I’m stuck between the biology lesson and the flowery bullshit, trying to write something that can turn people on and still be fun to read.

In other news, I’m typing this on a bus. Isn’t technology awesome?


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