When a writer must write about something for which they have no direct experience, research is required.
Writing porn equals sexy research.
Alas, I must restrict my investigations to the Internet for now. Thankfully, the Internet has huge repositories of knowledge when it comes to sex, fetish, and the combinations thereof, but where does a writer go to get the human angle? The answer, I have found, is Reddit’s many, many, many sex-related boards.
What’s pretty interesting is the way that EVERYONE is represented there. People of every gender and orientation having sex, talking about sex, discussing various aspects of sex… like, y’know, it’s this huge part of the human experience instead of something that needs to be carefully hidden away and only brought out for special occasions.
I like this. I like that men get the same kind of hangups as women, that they care about the same kind of things, that they experience all the same drama and weirdness. It’s fascinating to compare to the world at large.
Do erotica writers normalize sex? Has Fifty Shades normalized it for women? I don’t think so. It’s normal already. Now we’re just talking about it without shame.